She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
