I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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