I cannot find my penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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