he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
