What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
