I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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