We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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