What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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