I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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