I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
