Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
