He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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