my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
