There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
