i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
