If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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