Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
