remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize