bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
