Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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