Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
