Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's shark week go big or go home
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
