Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
