Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize