He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
