first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Randomize
