Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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