Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
