i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
