He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
