he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize