i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
