I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
