So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
