Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
