We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
