I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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