So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
