he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
