even my farts smell like vagina
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
