sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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