omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
