You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
