Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
