yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
