why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
