I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
