I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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