kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your penis caused this!
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