Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
