But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
