Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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