Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
