i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
did i just pee glitter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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