saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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