she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
