I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
