whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
