thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
