Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
