i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
