Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
