youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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