I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
