if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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