how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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