The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
