I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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