are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
