dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
