don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
