White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
