i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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