Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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