chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
