I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize