Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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