he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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