ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
