woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
