yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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