Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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