What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found the puke drawer
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
