After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
