Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
