normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize