apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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