My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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