no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
