Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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