Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
