she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
