We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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