he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
