Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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