you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
