the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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