I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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