I met the friendliest cop last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
