I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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