Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
