its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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