I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
