umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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