Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
