my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
