like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
