i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
